WHAT MY COLLEGE EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN LIKE!!!!!!
So everybody has a different experience and journey. I spent 5 years-in undergrad and went through what seemed like a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. If you think that you just haveee to do college in 4 years, think again. That shit is for the unicorns. So I started my college career off at Central Michigan University because I received a scholarship and woo let me tell you that time of my life was like a reality TV show. Love and hiphop college edition you feel me. I only spent one year there before transitioning to Michigan State University (thank God) I went off to college expecting to fit in make lots of friends and party it up plus flirt with the boys you feel me. It was more of a social experience than an academic one. And let me tell you what a time. I learned that people are fake, black people dont consider me black ( I’m a black kid from a rich suburb with a white momma) and I discovered what a fu*k boy is. The last thing I did was fit in, it was more like stand out. And no offense to anybody who attends that school but I did not learn one thing school wise I mean to be honest it was easier than my high school and like super ratchet. So basically all I did was party and get drunk every single day. I didnt acquire any true real friendships but instead came to find out that who I thought were my friends were really my enemies. From roommate problems to identity issues I guess you can say I was having trouble finding myself. I was super sheltered in highschool and didn’t really party, go to parties, have a boyfriend, etc. I had a tight knit clique of friends (who I remain friends with to this day) and we did our own thing. So coming to college was like girl gone wild you feel me. Free at last. I can do whatever I want, wear whatever I want( I literally was not allowed to wear leggings or yoga pants in High School), act however I want. It all came back to bite me in the ass. So word of advice- dont forget who you are or where you come from when you first go off to college. Have fun but not too much fun. Trust no one. You are just getting to meet these hoes. And remember that the guys consider you fresh meat so beware little ones. So moving on to sophomore year I am a new student at Michigan State University and omg my sophomore year was the time of my life. I claimed my major as biomedical laboratory sciences but was still a giant social butterfly and partier. I made friends and all we ever did was have fun, hang out every day, go on dummy missions, party, and crack up laughing. It was super fun and I realized how much better Michigan state is than Central. Sorry Chippewas but, y’all wack. But I still wasn’t super invested in my academics. I managed to get good grades and pass all my classes but it was not the best I could do. I was distracted by the fascination of this life of freedom and attention I had never known. So flash forward our clique goes on spring break in florida together and by the time the school year is over relationships are broken, girls side with sides, and it wasnt the same. Junior year comes around and I am still blossoming and super self absorbed. I mean I think I am the shit. I was super into makeup and fashion (not gonna lie I was working it with the looks and was super pretty) and me and my best friend from the previous year get our first apartment together. That was one giant party and I was still wild and doing the most. I dont think I really ever matured until my last year of college (but more on that later) so life is good, me and my homegirl are getting the hoes, our make up is on fleek, hair on slay, outfits on damn girl, and bodies on flawless. I mean we were instagram ready you feel me (instagram is so lame and not apart of the real world so I would advise to pursue a real career and not one in “instgram modeling” or instagram businesses. Like get your college degree- instagram is so fake) We thought we ran that school. Literally people called me the celebrity on campus. But low and behold it doesnt last very long and our friendship blows up in our face and was never the same. I mean we were like attached at the hip. The bestest of friends. But shit happened and that ended. So here comes the metamorphism. I get this grand God given idea to take up figure skating again. Which was my passion as a young girl but I was forced to quit and broken hearted from it so I never spoke of, watched, or touched the ice again. Like my family was banned of ever mentioning it to me(…. until 9 years later…. )It was completely closed off from my heart and mind with a giant lock and chain across it saying do not access. I mean I was angry- furious, broken hearted. Something that was apart of me was ripped from my soul and I was a bitter bitch about it. Imagine losing the love of your life. Well figure skating was mine. The last time I skated I was 12. I was 21 when I first stepped foot on the ice again. But wait theres more! I tried out for Michigan State’s synchronized skating team. And I made it! Like can you imagine that. God had a plan and He was not letting me walk away from it. My first 3 years of college I was really lost, far away from God and trying to find myself. But I kind of left God out of the picture. Yes of course I still believed in Him and loved Him but he was way in the back of my mind and I wasnt living a very good life. Normal for a college student, but I needed to put God back to being first in my life. I struggled a lot. I still do. With anxiety and depression. But I wouldn’t be able to get through it and get out of bed every day if I didnt put God back into my life. So He gave me skating back to cope and bring joy back into my soul. Senior year comes along and I am back training and skating with people who have been skating their whole lives, skated on Team USA and are just amaze balls ok. So it took me a while to catch back up. Let me tell you. IT WAS HARD. But I loved it and I loved the relationships Inmade. However, that year I gained a ton of weight. You would think I would lose weight with all that crazy exercise but I was going through things. I wasn’t eating right in-fact the only thing I ate was bagels and pasta and the occasional fruit. I lived in this nasty apartment because my room mates were triffeling. I was really not in a good living situation at all. Like at all. It was awful but when youre broke in college you dont have much option. I struggled with my reality and the reality of my peers and it brought me down. My whole life nothing has been easy for me. Everything is a fight. All I know is fight. And let me tell you, if I wasn’t a fighter I would not be here today. So the skating season ends and I fall into this deep depression. I really cant tell you spot on why but there are many reasons and college is hard despite the academic part. I literally slept til 5 pm everyday and would not get out of bed. Like it was sooo hard to get out of bed and all I would do was cry. Like just lay in my bed and weep while holding my cat like she could solve all my problems. It got so bad that I stopped going to class and I failed two classes. I have never failed a class in my life. Being outside or just leaving my apartment would bring me extreme discomfort, anxiety, and emotional pain. Who had once been this sexy confident soul was now fat, ugly, had no confidence, and was defeated. And yes I was fat. I still am recovering and trying to shed that weight off to be honest. And it doesnt help when you already had body issues to begin with. But I was so sad and stressed that my body just held on to fat and would not let it go. It was really a dark time in my life and in college. I remember one day my mom had phoned me and I just could not hold in my secret anymore. The sound of her voice just compelled me to start balling over the phone and I told her about my issues. It was like I didn’t see in color anymore. I felt like a zombie. I felt like the world was going but I was not and I was just stuck in the middle of everybody moving around and living their lives and watching. I isolated myself and did not pursue friendships or anything really. I just laid in my bed like a drone and wished that I could just stay asleep the rest of my life so that i didnt have to face reality. So fast forward I decide to turn to God, Jesus, family, skating, books, animals, my spirituality, painting; anything that would make me happy and feel like I’m living. Cause I did not feel like a living being. And I just held onto Jesus for dear life and He is the one who got me through and spoke to me. He told me not to worry and to cast my anxieties upon Him. He brought me great comfort and my life started to change. So fast forward to my last year of college- (thank God) I meet my sweet boyfriend, move into a beautiful apartment with no roommates, quit my job, and focused completely and wholeheartedly on school and my skating.
My grades literally improved so much along with my skating and I was happy. I am happy. I still have my moments of dealing with major anxiety and high stress but I feel like I have my depression under control for the most part. I graduated last weekend from Michigan State University and couldn’t be more grateful to God for bringing me through. College was rough, my major was stupidly hard, and my classes were no walk in the park. While others were out partying I was studying. I went from having thee social life to no social life. I feel like I finally have mastered the art of studying and I am ready to start the next chapter of my life. Which is going to medical school to become a pediatrician. My college experience was tough, but it made me stronger and more resilient and determined than ever. It has made me more prepared for tough times to come and prepared me with mental toughness that is needed in medical school. My experience has made me chase happiness and chase after my dreams. Despite what happens know that life is a journey but you have control over your own choices and mentality so make good ones and stay level headed. And stay close to God because He is the one who will hold you up when you can’t hold yourself up. I still have issues but I am working through them and growing everyday. These times are meant to learn from. College is so much more than going to class. You are going to experience so many things and have some hard times. Everyone’s journey is different but thats what makes it special and that piece of paper called a DEGREE feels so much sweeter when you obtain it after all that adversity that waa shoved in your face that you had no idea of coming. I never would have imagined my college experience to be what it was as a senior in High School. Never give up on your dreams and never give up on yourself. When one door closes, another door opens. Know that despite what rocks are thrown at you that you have the power to dodge them and to heal from them. Life is messy. Its a roller coaster, but roller coasters are fun right? You can do whatever you put your mind to! It is just you yourself and you in this world. And God. So lean on Him and believe in yourself. Do whatever you can to have joy and inner peace. Chase sunshine!